I've stopped being so overprotective of Dawn or at least I'm getting there since it's not going to happen overnight. I can't hide her from the world so I'm going to show it to her. Unlike me she has a choice and she made it. I am so proud of the way she handled herself in the crypt against those dirt monsters. She was pretty good with that sword. It's a fresh start for us but too bad it took the world nearly ending for me to wake up.
I guess being close to death made me open my eyes and realize that I want to live. It was a slow summer so I spent a lot of time with Dawn. I've even finally agreed to take her out for a little slaying lesson. I am wigged about Sunnydale High reopening since Dawn will be going there.
I am glad that Xander is involved in the construction so I'll be able to get plans to the place. So he'll be there if Dawn needs him. I'm going to look around the first day at least to make sure things are safe well as safe as they can be anyway. I bought Dawn a cell phone in case she needs to get in touch with me.
I must say that I was pretty impressed with Xander since he saved the world just by talking. Giles took Willow to England to help her. I wonder if she'll ever come back and be the way she was. Tara's family didn't even come to her funeral. I guess that shouldn't be a surprise since they seemed to be horrible people. Giles was a big help in making the arrangements and paid for the funeral before he left.
I've switched rooms even though it was a bit odd at first. But I've made the room my own. It is strange to have only Dawn around although Xander pops by all the time. Maybe I'll see if I can get back into school. I do want to see if I can finish someday but who knows when that will happen since I'm at Doublemeat with all those wonky hours.
I don't want to be a lifer there. Five years from now I don't want to by pointing to my badge and talking about being manager to some new employee. That would be so beyond pathetic. Speaking of which I need to get ready for work.
Entry Two
Dear Diary
I'm not sure about that principal but in his favor he did offer me that job. So now I have a legitimate reason for hanging around the school not that that would have stopped me. I was able to work things out with Doublemeat so the hours won't clash.
So now we'll have a little more cash coming in which is a good thing. So Dawn didn't do too badly last night. That vamp was really lame not being able to get out of his grave without help. I guess vamps will turn just anyone. Behold the weirdness! Something funky did happen at the school. Dead people that go solid and disappear. That was clever of Dawn to put bricks in that bag to make a handy dandy weapon.
I so didn't expect to find Spike in the basement. Now that was odd but he did tell me about the talisman so casualties were avoided. I just didn't like being called Dawn's mom. I'm not that much older than her and I'm certainly not old enough to be her mother.
So the first day of school went ok and Dawn met that girl and boy so she's already making friends. Her first period class probably thinks I'm insane but she'll do fine. I wasn't Miss Popular but I had two of the best friends a girl could ever ask for. Oh I guess I'll call Giles and find out what's going on.
Entry Three
Dear Diary
So I had my first day on the job and Dawn of course laid down some rules. Aren't I a cool big sis? I don't drool and I dress well. I guess it's because this will be the place where she starts figuring out who she is and of course boys will be entering the picture. Anya's granting wishes left and right but we managed to get worm guy back to regular guy. Now that was a huge worm or whatever it was called. He'll be ok but Xander's potential date is dead in the water. She won't be calling him like ever since she couldn't get away fast enough. I guess she wasn't weird enough to deal with the likes of us. So she obviously isn't worthy of him.
Spike has been acting strange so I went to him. He somehow got his soul back and he's a bit crazy now. I don't know what to make of this. I just freaked and left when he started hanging onto that cross in the church. I was even in tears. I don't know how I feel about this especially after he attacked me.
So I guess I'm being pulled in two different directions regarding how I feel about him. Giles called to tell me that Willow will be coming back. He said that she's doing good but that she'd be better off coming home now even though she didn't finish that thing she was doing. It will be strange to see her but I want to since I've missed her. All of her stuff is still in the house. I guess we'll all be a little on edge when she comes back until we know that it's really her that came back and that she's all cured or whatever happened in England.
Entry Four
Dear Diary
We went to the airport but there was no sign of Willow. I wonder if she went all bad again. Giles said she got on the plane but we hung around and no Willow. Xander even made a sign with yellow crayon. I'm kinda worried. I hope she hasn't gone evil again. I really don't need that right now with all the weirdness going on. The strange hellish basement and a crazy vampire. Maybe she just needs some alone time before she faces us. It's got to be weird for her to see us after everything that happened.
Maybe I was wrong about the principal being evil. I'll keep my eyes pealed just in case. They can't all be evil and he's a major improvement over Synder. But of course an actual rat would have been an improvement.
Entry Five
Dear Diary
Now that was a close call. It turns out that Will was back the whole time. She was so wigged about seeing us that she actually made herself unseen to us and vice versa. She thought it and it just happened. Good thing Anya was around since that gnarl was eating her in that cave. Now that was gross. Dawn is really getting into Scooby mode with the whole researching thing.
The thought did cross my mind that Will did the flaying but she didn't. That is such a relief since I so didn't want to be right. Wow she was able to grow skin and I helped her. I wonder if it works in reverse. It's really good to have her back since I've really missed her. We'll just take it slow but so far so good.
Entry Six
Dear Diary
I finally started seeing students and it didn't go too badly. I was worried but I think I did all right. Sure some guys came in under false pretenses but that one girl Cassie really stuck out of the bunch. She was right about my shirt. Maybe she's psychic. We dug around but came up with nothing.
We did find a website with her poetry which is on the dark side but nothing really unusual. The father was a perfect suspect but it didn't pan out. I'm really worried about her so I'm having Dawn go to her to see if she can find out what's going on. There isn't that much time but it was a nice change to get a heads up.
Entry Seven
Dear Diary
I can't help feel but I failed Cassie somehow since she died anyway. Some kids summoned a demon which was beyond stupid. I'm glad it bit that little dick before it went poof. It turned out that she had a heart condition. It's just so sad because she was a special person.
This job can really suck at times. It makes me wonder if it's even worth the effort but I know it is because sometimes the people are saved and this wasn't one of them unfortunately. It's just so sad that her life just stopped before she even had a chance to live. We're all going to her funeral. I may not have known her that long but she touched me.
Entry Eight
Dear Diary
I really hate it when I'm faced with the possibility of killing someone I care about. I mean I always knew that there was a chance I might have to kill Anya especially after she went back to being a demon. Sure over the years she has become a good friend so that idea kinda crept into a dark corner of my mind but it never really left. When she went all demony again I just knew that this day would very likely come.
I'm just glad that I didn't have to go through with it although I was ready to do it. I'm gonna check on her since I'm worried about her. She wanted to sacrifice herself but her oldest friend was taken again. So she's totally human again and must be in such pain. I could imagine how she feels sort of.
Entry Nine
Dear Diary
Just what I don't want my sister do going all crazy over some guy she doesn't even know. She totally shredded my cheerleading uniform. I'm thinking she may have helped put that guy down the stairs but I can't be 100% sure. She was being a total slut at the Bronze and all over that guy and she totally lied to me. I should talk to that guy since he totally uses girls and I don't want poor Dawnie to get hurt.
Entry Ten
Dear Diary
That was bizarro. I can't believe what I almost did. I almost had sex with him and I was all set to kill the principal and he hasn't even shown any signs of being evil yet. The eyes are open but so far so good. What a hellish night and Dawnie nearly killed herself with a train.
That was one powerful jacket working that mind control thing. I had no control at all. I was consumed by this guy as we all were. I'm just glad that we were all stopped before we went through what we were going to do to prove our love. That was totally insane. No dying of anyone tonight which was a good thing.
Entry Eleven
Dear Diary
Now that was quite a night. Analyzed by a vampire and to be told that Spike sired him. That was the last thing I expected to hear. I have to have proof since I won't believe this is true unless Spike is the best actor ever. I mean he got his soul back and he still has that chip in his head so it's impossible. I so don't need this right now.
Oh great the house was trashed yet again so it was Xander and his tools to the rescue again. I know I staked a real vamp so I'm baffled but I have to find out one way or the other since I might have to kill Spike. I'm not even sure how I feel about that since I'm not sure that I can. I mean I can since I've done it before but I don't know what I think since this makes no sense.
Can't a Slayer just slay and go home without having trouble brewing up every ten seconds. Spike is different and I just know that something is going on but what that is I have no clue. Just my luck to have my head shrunk by Holden the vamp shrink. We'll just have to keep an eye on Spike just in case.
Entry Twelve
Dear Diary
I'm not sure what to think. I didn't actually catch him but he looked like he was on the prowl. I really needed proof about this one. He seemed to be telling the truth and he's right about it not making sense since he went off to get his soul back. I think that's what gets to me the fact that he got it back and that he did it for me. So I want it not to be true but it could be since it isn't such a crazy thought. Maybe the chip stopped working and he's putting on an Oscar performance but I have to be sure.
I'm so not jealous of him going out and doing whatever as long as it's not killing. It's not a good sign that he's not remembering his nights out. Can a vampire have a blackout? I guess they can since that's what's been going on. Until we know for sure Spike can't be alone. I keep having dreams about girls being killed. I think it could mean something. I wish Giles was here. It's been impossible to get in touch with him so I've left yet another message.
Entry Thirteen
Dear Diary
I think that went pretty well. Those girls have to realize that it's not gonna be pretty and that there's a good chance that all of us won't make it. So those dreams were potential Slayers getting killed and the surviving ones are coming to my house and I am Head Slayer here and it's so bizarre. I so want to get that ubervamp. It so kicked my ass big time.
I'm like a walking bruise and I seem to be healing slower. I guess it's because the ubervamp was all supercharged or something. Well I'm getting that thing since I long for a good slay and having that big ugly turn to dust will give me a happy big time. Giles is off getting more potentials.
It's kind of strange and nice all at the same time. Of course it's like marjorly weird because it's a reminder of my expiration date but that's part of the job. So now I know what those nightmares were all about and it just saddens me to find out that they were truly real. So many deaths but death is a part of life and I'm gonna do my best to keep the death count down well for the good side anyway. I'm thinking a bubble bath would be good right about now.
Entry Fourteen
Dear Diary
Well that went well. The Chaka Khan is dust and I rescued Spike. He kept mumbling to himself but he's gonna be ok I think. He kept saying, "She believes in me." I'm really proud of him since it had to be pretty hellish for him to be held captive by the First. It's a good thing he heals fast since he was pretty sliced up.
It's so strange but there is a change in him and I've seen it. He has the potential to be a really good man. He has a lot to make up for of course but he's on the right track and he has much less carnage than Angel does with everything he did as Angelus with him being older and all.
What is it with me and bad boys that are over a century older? Well I guess it's a bad time to think about the dating front not like there's ever really a good time around here. Can't a girl fight evil and still have some time for fun?
Entry Fifteen
Dear Diary
I think I'm getting the hang of teaching the newbies. I'm no Watcher but who better than the Slayer to guide them. We have to be ready to fight. I'm wondering about the principal though. He was in the basement with a shovel after all. It's amazing how many links appear when you do a search for evil. I need to be more discrete since Wood caught me but I covered ok I covered lamely but I don't think he suspects anything. Ok he might think I'm strange but that's ok.
It's just that it can't be ignored and it's best to have your eyes open instead of burying your head in the sand. So another newbie has been added and another has been lost. Every time someone comes in the house someone should touch them just in case since we had that unwanted houseguest hanging around for days without a clue.
Entry Sixteen
Dear Diary
What a day this has been. I'm just glad that Spike's doing much better. I decided to have the chip removed from his head. I just couldn't bear to see him suffer like that. It's a good thing that that flower shop or whatever got in touch with Riley. I don't know what I would have done if he hadn't come through.
Will's back to being Willow and she's getting cozy with Kennedy. Why not since the world could end at any time so why not sneak in some smoochies. It's a relief to know that Giles is Giles. There was a scare but he can be touched. That is a place that I so don't want to go to since I still need him and he's family.
Entry Seventeen
Dear Diary
That was quite a date. I wasn't sure about the principal's motives but was quite surprised to find out that he's the son of a Slayer. That just blew me away and gave me a little hope. Maybe in the future I could be married and maybe even have some kids. Of course slaying a few vamps made the evening complete. Xander struck out big time since his date turned out to be a vamp that stabbed him and almost used him to summon one of those ubervamp.
I think Giles needs a woman since he's been all antidate even though the thought of that is kinda gross but why not he's a great guy and totally deserves someone. We all need some down time. He's worried about Spike but he's being silly. I just want Spike to have a chance to make up for what he's done in the past. It's not like there's a future for us. That's just ridiculous. Sure I need him but in a strictly platonic kind of way.
Entry Eighteen
Dear Diary
I think I made a mistake when those shadow guys offered me power. I guess I was afraid of becoming less human. It's just so frustrating and with Chloe's senseless death I just sort of lost it and went off on everyone. I guess it's because I feel like my hands are tied and there were all these deaths that I couldn't stop.
I just didn't want to lose my humanity since who knows what that would have done to me. I'm know that I'm supposed to protect these girls but I'm not sure how. I'm doing the best I can and I probably should have taken that power that was offered for their sakes and the others but I just couldn't do it. But on the other hand who knows if it would have made a difference since this fight is against something that has no form. Well it's too late now but we'll find a way somehow.
I think I'll talk to Giles about this when he comes back. I could use a handbook right now since I want to save as many of the girls as I can so the Slayer line continues. I don't want to be the last one. I want it to continue until no more demons walk the earth. But what the shadow guy showed me just sent a chill through me. Hundreds and hundreds of those ubervamps just ready to break free but I don't know when but it's probably soon.
Entry Nineteen
Dear Diary
Now that was a close call. I can't believe that Giles kept me occupied so Robin could kill Spike. He talks about making difficult decisions and comes off as a total hypocrite. I know that I'll be faced with difficult circumstances but we need Spike for this fight. He is my best fighter and he did offer to leave town but I need him. I'm the one that didn't want him to go. Spike is a different man now not the monster that killed Robin's mom.
The important thing is the mission so all of us need to put aside vendettas because the fight ahead is what we need to focus on. I'm the one that has seen first hand the changes in Spike. Giles hasn't been around to see what I've seen. I was serious when I said that I'd allow Spike to kill Robin. Things have changed now and I now realize that people are expendable even though I really hate it.
If a person's death will save the world so be it. I don't like it of course but it's the whole greater good thing. Better a few people die than having the entire world going straight to Hell. This is what I have to do even though I so very much hate it. It's not like I want anyone to die but it's gonna happen.