Entry One
Dear Diary
Well I've finally escaped Sunnydale. Things didn't work out as I planned but I'm away from that place which is good. Instead of going off to college I'm stuck in this dingy little apartment. I can't believe how low I've sunk. Working at April Fools was the worst and getting caught was so not fun. It was sweet of Xander to buy me that dress and keep my secret.
I've decided to keep a diary since I have a lot of time on my hands. I'm going to be an actress so what better place for me to be than LA. I'm just glad that I still had a little money from what was supposed to be my college fund. So I have a place to live even though it's a total dump. I've bought a book on positive thinking so I'm going to use it to help me on my quest to my inevitable stardom.
I've lined up some auditions and I'm just waiting for the calls to roll in. There's a party tonight which means I can stock up on some food. I can't believe that I've been reduced to putting food in my purse whenever I go to a party. I'm so glad that no one knows me in this town. This is a fresh start for me away from that Hellmouth.
Entry Two
Dear Diary
I am so glad that I ran into Angel since he was vital in saving my neck literally. I thought those affirmations were finally kicking in when Russell sent for me. I'm not used to not getting what I want. I mean I had to sell pretty much all of my clothes for money so my closet is almost as bare as the fridge.
That was amazing how Angel took those bullets for me protecting me and going over the railing like that was really scary but I felt safe in his arms well as safe as I could feel considering the circumstances. My heart was in my chest but he's a vampire and it's not like it would have killed him while it would have turned me into swiss cheese a la blood. Well that is a total benefit to being a vampire. Now I won't be so alone since he's like a friend. Besides I can use the money until I become a huge star of course.
I'm glad he is letting me work for him since he is totally clueless when it comes to money. You would think that a person that's been around for a couple of centuries would have squirreled away some funds somewhere. He needs a sign and of course business cards. I'll surprise him and pick out a name since he won't do it oh I got it Angel Investigations. Simple and to the point and I'll have an angel on the card. He'd be lost without my knowledge. He seriously needs to call an exterminator. That cockroach was huge I just hope it didn't have any babies.
Entry Three
Dear Diary
I had some cards made and they finally arrived. Hmm they didn't even know what the picture was. Duh an angel 'cause his name is Angel. Angel thought it was a butterfly which is so lame but it was a better guess than Doyle. He's this strange guy that Angel's hanging out with. Doyle thought it was an owl. He's a strange one. He has visions which come with faboo headaches.
I guess we all have to suffer to help out our fellow man. I have to bargain shop which is so demeaning. It won't be so bad now since I'll be getting a salary now. Still now word about any acting jobs. I guess it'll take longer than I thought. I can't believe that I'm reduced to looking through the paper for sales and totally considering the whole clipping of coupons thing.
The world should be my oyster but it's just one big goose egg. I can't believe that guy thought I was a hooker. The nerve of that jerk. Hello I'm an actress not some cheap whore. Besides I'd totally be a high class one not some pathetic girl passing out cards for tricks. I have standards and is it my fault that men can be such idiots. Doyle's vision was lame not to mention useless. He needs to return it and exchange it for something better.
Entry Four
Dear Diary
Finally we got a client and Doyle has to try and bring down my good mood. She just has to pay that's how things work. When it involves whether or not I get paid she just has to. Oz popped in and he was just the same as always. He brought this ring to Angel so he could go out in the sun without bursting into flames.
Spike was scary as ever but I held my own against him. He actually noticed that I'd lost some weight. Being broke will do that to you but I'm not complaining since it's much better to lose than to gain. Poor Angel got all tortured so good thing he's a vampire or he would have been a goner for sure. He shouldn't have hid that ring but that is just so typical of him.
He destroyed the ring that same night which is also typical since he doesn't feel worthy of it or something. It was funny to hear Oz go on about Angel being so pale when he's pretty pale himself. If he was any paler he'd be transparent. I'd think he was a vampire except for the fact that he goes outside and doesn't go all flamy and turns into a pile of dust.
I think I'll call to check up on any upcoming auditions. This whole helping Angel thing is temporary since I'm going to be a star and won't have the time to help as much although I'll help in my own way by being the best actress I can be. I'll move out of this dump and get a maid not to mention do some quality shopping.
That was pretty amazing when he jumped out of the van and got all flamy and jumped into the ocean. Doyle is strange but he's ok and he grows on you after a while. He totally hits on me but who could blame him. His only chance would be if we were in a bizarro world. Well it is nice to have people to talk to. It gets lonely with no friends but that problem is solved.
Entry Five
Dear Diary
I made the decision to confront Angel about charging clients. It's all well and good to help people but bills must be paid also most importantly my salary and I can't get a raise if people don't pay. Doyle surprisingly came up with a clever way to make Angel accept pay from clients.
I did come up with a good way to answer the phone. The calls haven't exactly been pouring in. I like the greeting I came up with. Angel Investigations we help the hopeless. Or did I say helpless? I'm not sure which one I decided on but it sounded good.
How creepy to have someone watching you all the time and with removable parts. That is seriously creepy. I move away from the Hellmouth and enter another world of evil. I guess you can't escape that so it's just a new type of weirdness and hey all the shoes too.
It is slower than Sunnydale in that way but more evil is attracted to the Hellmouth. I'm so glad that I've never been stalked since it's very scary. So another bad guy bites the dust and we got paid for it too. An actual honest to goodness paying client. Now that was an exciting moment.
How things have changed that I get giddy with delight over this. Angel said that stalking was number four on the list for most popular sports among men. I don't know what the hell Luge is anyway but it's quite popular among men. I need to try to get that image of that creepy doctor and his removable parts out of my head. Men can be seriously evil. Men like that just make you want to give up on the whole lot of them.
Entry Six
Dear Diary
I can't believe that skanky blonde got that commercial. What kind of housewife is she? That commercial should have been mine. I can't believe my stupid landlord didn't get rid of the roaches. EWWW! Brown water is so not good. So I'm crashing at Angel's until I find a decent place to live.
Would it kill him to have a lousy mirror? Just one mirror is all I ask. Is that too much to ask? I'll get the paper and start hunting for a place to live. I just need to stay positive. Till then I have a place with nice clean water and some good hair products. Alas a common bond our natural obsession with hair care.
Entry Seven
Dear Diary
Great just great Doyle find me the perfect place so of course there's something wrong with it because it's haunted. That wasn't a good night with the bed floating in the air and boiling water and other fun things. I tried to be positive but I got attacked by the curtains this morning.
So now I'm stuck here waiting at Angel's place for them to call. We're going to try to exorcize the little old lady that is haunting my perfect apartment. I can't give up this place. It's perfect for me and it came furnished too. I guess that's why it had all the furniture since everyone that moves in gets scared off or ends up dead but I refuse to be.
Entry Eight
Dear Diary
Whew that was a close call. I get to keep the apartment although I do have a roommate. He's a friendly ghost named Dennis. His mother was really mean but when she said the B word I reverted back form. Yes the bitch has emerged.
I'm not going to take crap from anyone especially some old lady ghost that stuck her son in the wall and killed him. Crazy bitch but she got what was coming to her having that heart attack. And people say that I'm a bitch.
Ok maybe I am sometimes but it's a necessary evil and I can't always be held responsible for that since it can be out of my control. I finally got rid of that wall. I've finally decided to talk to Aura since things are looking up.
Entry Nine
Dear Diary
A fun time was had in the sewers. I should get hazard pay for that. Now that was gross and I get stuck on cleanup and he doesn't even say please or thank you. He could at least show some interest. I'll never get these stains out. I should have clothing pay since blood and grime are impossible to get out.
I need to check to see if there are any auditions being lined up for me. I want out of the demon slaying biz. Sure I don't mind helping people but I need some help myself. Sure things are better but I thought I'd be in a film or a soap or even a commercial by now. Maybe a voiceover is that too much to ask?
Entry Ten
Dear Diary
Now that was disturbing. Some talking stick guy puts the whammy on everyone including Angel. I'm just glad that I was whammied because it was disturbing to watch. Be a rainbow and not a painbow. Make me yak! Yes I have a date with this really cute guy and he has money too which is a major plus. Maybe I'll get a decent meal and have a chance with a guy that is up to my high standards.
I have to go shopping. That was a new kind of scary with Angel wanting to hug. Eww much! Sure I had a brief crush but that was before I knew he had a pulse not that he's not an all right guy. Maybe this guy will be the start of a whole new life for me. Pierce what a rich sounding name and he has the wallet to match. He is so my type.
Entry Eleven
Dear Diary
So much for going up in the world. That date of mine was so lame. I tried I really did but he was just so very dull. So I pretended to be sick. A vampire popped out of nowhere and Pierce ran off like a little weasel. Doyle was so brave and he staked the vamp saving me. It was so sweet of him to ask me if I was ok.
I guess I should have a stake in my purse in case of incidents like this. Hmm now I'm seriously confused. I've always wanted a guy that's rich and handsome but now I want brave and interesting too. I can't do this again.
Maybe I should give Doyle a chance and not think about how things went with Xander. Sure he doesn't know how to dress but he could have some potential if I got my hands on him. I think what he did tonight opened my eyes up to the possibility.
Entry Twelve
Dear Diary
Color me stunned when I found out that Doyle's married but now he's not. Actually Harry is a sweet girl that told me some very interesting things about Doyle. A third grade teacher with actual kids was what he used to do. I so didn't expect that since I figured he wasn't too high on the IQ charts. So I'm starting to see him in a whole new light.
Pornographic Pictionary I'm still reeling from that experience. What a gross custom eating the first husband's brain. They look better in his head where they belong and can't be seen. So Doyle is safe with his brains fully intact.
Lost Entry
Entry Thirteen
Dear Diary
Buffy came to town and weirdness abounds. Angel killed some demon and now he has a pulse. Yikes he ate everything in the fridge. This is so strange with Angel now being mortal. Now he can see himself in the mirror which is pretty cool. Maybe now he'll get a mirror or two to put up around his place.
Hopefully the binging is temporary since it would be a shame if he blew up since he has a pretty nice bod if he was human oh wait he is. So now Angel can be with Buffy like he like yearns for. I guess I could be happy for them since they do have that kind of love that everyone wants.
I wouldn't admit it to anyone but Doyle's sort of right about me being jealous of Buffy. I can't believe I just said that. But where does that leave me? Damn Buffy for coming to town and messing everything up.
Entry Thirteen
Dear Diary
Buffy stopped by to see Angel. I guess I can't blame her after all he did the whole stalking number even though it was to protect her. This morning when he got back and had that stake in his hand I thought he was going to dust himself. I guess it was a quick visit since she was gone when me and Doyle got back.
He's not one to share since he seemed more broody than usual and that's saying a lot. Good news I have an audition lined up. I really hope I get this one. I've been so close so it's way frustrating. I suppose one must suffer for their art. Haven't I suffered enough? Sure I have a nice place but now I want fame and fortune so all the losers can bow at my feet. I don't think that's too much to ask.
Entry Fourteen
Dear Diary
Entry Fifteen
Dear Diary
Dear Diary
I can't believe he did this to me. My audition was ruined because of Doyle's kiss. I thought it meant something but he used it to pass that hideous vision thing. And my first audition in weeks and it was a national too. That so wasn't fun and I think I might have drooled during my audition when that vision struck.
Why couldn't he have kissed Angel who is on the whole atonement path. I have nothing to atone for so why do I get this curse from the PTB? I guess I can kiss Angel to see if I can get rid of this thing. I had to get extra strength migraine pills to help ease the mind blowing pain. I can't do this again. I don't even know what the hell I saw.
Entry Seventeen
Dear Diary
I did good with that horn in killing that demon. That Barney empath guy takes me and tries to auction off my eyes and he only starts with a lousy $2000. The nerve of him I'm highly insulted. Wes showed up and I couldn't give him the visions with a kiss. It's not a very good idea to go around kissing every guy I see but it was worth a shot since I could get lucky.
That guy was evil and all but he had a point about what he said. I do have something of Doyle's his most precious gift in fact even thought I'll have to stock up on the aspirin. Well that kiss with Wesley went better this time but still no sparks. I guess it could have been the accent that attracted me in the first place. I guess squealing like a girl can turn off a girl.
Entry Eighteen
Dear Diary
Hmm Angel might be killing those girls but he doesn't remember. Sure he was evil but he's good now. So we chained him to the bed just in case. He's having nightmares of the killings. This is not good he can't switch sides again not now. I need to get paid and I have this vision thing to deal with and I need him to do the fighting thing since I'm not too good with the weapons although I got lucky like with the horn and I swung a mean spatula.
Well I'll have to stay positive and check the paper in the morning. My fingers will be crossed that I find another killing and see Angel all snug and chained up in his bed. Not that a murder's a good thing but him not doing the killing would be the good part.
Entry Nineteen
Dear Diary
Well the whole men are evil really came in spades this time around. So not fun being pregnant with demon spawn. I really thought Christopher could have led to something but it went up in smoke. I meet a guy that fits my criteria except for his being evil which should be a given since most men are that way. Next time I have a date if I ever date again after this I must do a background check first.
Also no sex like ever again or maybe after a really long time of dating since date three is a bit early. There are other things I can do for enjoyment. It's not like a guy is vital to my life. Sure they could be nice to have but I need a breather. Any guys I date will have to go through some screening process. I'm just so glad that Angel and Wes were there to help me out. Dennis can be so sweet. It's nice to have people that care and my very own ghost.
Entry Twenty
Dear Diary
I can't believe he did this to me. My audition was ruined because of Doyle's kiss. I thought it meant something but he used it to pass that hideous vision thing. And my first audition in weeks and it was a national too. That so wasn't fun and I think I might have drooled during my audition when that vision struck.
Why couldn't he have kissed Angel who is on the whole atonement path. I have nothing to atone for so why do I get this curse from the PTB? I guess I can kiss Angel to see if I can get rid of this thing. I had to get extra strength migraine pills to help ease the mind blowing pain. I can't do this again. I don't even know what the hell I saw.
Entry Twenty-One
Dear Diary
I did good with that horn in killing that demon. That Barney empath guy takes me and tries to auction off my eyes and he only starts with a lousy $2000. The nerve of him I'm highly insulted. Wes showed up and I couldn't give him the visions with a kiss. It's not a very good idea to go around kissing every guy I see but it was worth a shot since I could get lucky.
That guy was evil and all but he had a point about what he said. I do have something of Doyle's his most precious gift in fact even thought I'll have to stock up on the aspirin. Well that kiss with Wesley went better this time but still no sparks. I guess it could have been the accent that attracted me in the first place. I guess squealing like a girl can turn off a girl.
Entry Twenty-Two
Dear Diary
I am so not liking the visions. Seeing that guy being burned to death was so very gross and sad too. Why do they have to come along with a jumbo sized headache? Isn't seeing all of that bad stuff bad enough? No wonder Doyle drank so much since it must have helped kill the pain.
The party went well except for Angel the black hole of despair. As if it isn't bad enough around here I find out that there are portals for demons to pop in and out of. Talk about not good. This is so cutting into time that could be spent on perfecting my craft. I'm thinking about taking an acting class since it would help me with honing my skills even though I am naturally talented.
I could show them how it's done plus my agent suggested it. I need to find a way to turn off the visions during auditions and acting jobs since I don't want a repeat of that audition for that stain remover commercial. Drooling doesn't get you the job. That was such a bad moment. I need to find the off switch to these visions or maybe I could have vision voice mail or whatever you'd call it so I could get a vision later.
Entry Twenty-Three
Dear Diary
Entry Twenty-Four
Dear Diary
Entry Twenty-Five
Dear Diary
Entry Twenty-Six
Dear Diary
I get an alarm system and no one uses it. I thought it was clever of me to use my birthday as the security code so Angel would know. How else is Angel with the help of Wesley going to throw me a surprise party? That Kwan whatever demon is not with the fashion sense.
Normally they are peaceful demons but they are all drugged out on something that looks like pee. No accounting for taste. They really need a fashion consultant. That whole homeless person look is so not pretty. I wonder if they have money since they obviously don't spend it on clothes.
That alarm turned out to be pretty annoying when the parade of demons came. Hello the stupid thing didn't even work right since the demons appeared before the alarm mentioned this and that door ajar. Talking alarms are really really stupid so back to the store it goes.
Entry Twenty-Seven
Dear Diary
Entry Twenty-Eight
Dear Diary
Entry Twenty-Nine
Dear Diary
Entry Thirty
Dear Diary
Entry Thirty-One
Dear Diary
That group of kids got me thinking about things. It was so great to be at a party with the smell of money in the air. Sure David Nabbit isn't the least bit attractive and he's a big dork but he has a giant wallet. Maybe I could get past his looks and lack of a personality and grow to love him.
It would be nice to be secure and know that I'd be taken care of always. It's not like he's the worst man in the world and he does a lot of things for charities and stuff. It also couldn't hurt my acting career either since he has connections and like everyone goes to his parties. It's a thought although that's probably all it is.
Being around all that money would certainly help big time. That was one big check that David gave us. I almost wanted to frame it so I could look at it hanging on the wall. No even with all that money I don't think I could do it. Damn it! Well I better check to see if I have any auditions lined up.
Entry Thirty-Two
Dear Diary
So the evil lawyer came over to our side for like a second. The born again lawyer got a raise so the whole conscience thing didn't take but the kids were saved which is a good. Like the saying goes a leopard never changes its spots. Oh that reminds me there is a huge sale at my favorite store tomorrow. I'm hoping those pants are still there.
It so sucks that I have to wait for stuff to be on sale. It just isn't fair. Yes I am up for a hair commercial well for some shampoo anyway. I just have to do this flip thing and have it all bouncy. I've been practicing in the mirror and I so have it nailed. Ok I don't say anything but I'll be seen since I'll do a spin to show the greatness of that shampoo. I totally have no idea what it's called. I should probably try it since I could be doing a commercial for it. That could mean free hair products which would be great. Time to call my agent.
David came over in a shiny cape thing. He has his appeal talking about the millions he made. Maybe I could help him with his clothes. They say the clothes make the man. That was one hell of a headache and the smells that I am so not liking. I need to have a word with those PTB and punch them in the nose if they have one and give them a piece of my mind.
Entry Thirty-Three
Dear Diary
Well I'm all back in my head again. Nobody here but me. Now that was painful but it was a real eye opener too. I guess you could never really know how much people hurt and suffer unless you actually experience it through them.
You can't always tell what a person's feeling just by looking at them. There is so much pain out there. So many people suffer and you can't even tell. You pass them by on the street and don't notice them screaming in pain. I really want to help as many people as I can. I can no longer ignore the lost souls in the night.I can still act but helping people will be my main focus.
I'm waiting to hear about that commercial. It's not a national but I so nailed it. Angel's place burned down so we'll have to work out of my place. I invited him to stay until he got a new place but he turned me down. He's probably in the sewer somewhere. I guess I don't really have any place to put him except for the closet. I think I'll call my agent to see if I have any auditions lined up.