She had looked on the college's website and saw a group that she decided to go to which was why she even got up at all since she'd pretty much stayed in her room for the whole week only popping out for food and to use the bathroom. She took a shower, got dressed, and went downstairs finding Buffy alone in the kitchen.
"Hey Will you going out today?"
"Yeah I thought I'd go over to the college to see about this group I found out about. How is she?"
"That's great Will. Um she's doing better just give it some time."
Willow's eyes filled with tears.
"Buffy I I I nearly killed Dawnie. It was all my fault. She's like a little sister to me and what I did was unforgivable."
Buffy walked over to Willow and hugged her and stroked her hair.
"Will don't do this to yourself. Dawn still loves you, we all love you and I'll be here every step of the way for you."
Willow looked at Buffy and gave a little smile.
"There that's better. I've done things that I'm not proud of either and I've been blind to what you've been going through."
"Buffy you've had a full plate yourself with all the stuff you've had to deal with and I didn't help any."
"Will you did what you thought was right and it was done out of love. I can't fault you for that and I'm just taking it one day at a time. That's what you need to do too. Well I'm off to Doublemeat for a double-shift. I'll bring you a Double Medley or something."
"Ok bye Buffy. I'm off to take that first step."
Buffy smiled and walked out of the door. Willow had a glass of orange juice before leaving.
"Ok I can do this. I need to do this."
She walked out the door just as Xander was pulling up.
"Hey Will what's shaking?" "Ooh perfect timing can you drop me off at the college?"
"There's my girl off to do some learning."
"Yeah something like that."
"Well just hop on into the Xandermobile so we can head off to the place of knowledge."
Willow opened the door and got inside and they sped off. Willow didn't say a word on the ride over but Xander kept up a steady stream of chatter. She really wasn't paying attention to him but she knew it was most likely about the wedding. He pulled up to the curb and she got out of the car.
"Thanks for the ride Xander."
"So do you want me to stick around to give you a ride home. Some demon friend of Anya's is around so I'm in no hurry at all."
"Sure but I'm sure how long I'm gonna be at least an hour or so I guess. Just meet me at the library you know where the books live."
"Hey I know where it is since the gang went there last year when that demon from space showed up. So I'll go get some quality napping since the library is supposed to be all quiet right?"
"Sure well I need to pick up a few books anyway so when I'm done with my meeting I'll find you."
"Sure no problem me amiga."
She went to room 220 which was where the meeting was taking place.
"Ok feet don't fail me now."
She walked into the room and found chairs forming a circle around the room. She sat down and looked around as people came into the room and sat down. Pretty soon the seats were filled and the meeting was called to order by someone who looked familiar.
"Welcome to Spellcaster's Anonymous. My name is Tina and I'm a spell junkie. Doing magick nearly destroyed me but here I stand before you as a living example that there is life without spells. So who wants to share?"
Willow sat there and listened to people sharing their stories but didn't feel like sharing at this point. It was good to know that she wasn't alone in this battle which was going to be the hardest thing she had ever faced. The meeting drew to a close with coffee and donuts. Willow grabbed a few for Xander and wrapped them up in some napkins and stuck them in her pack. Seeing Tina she walked over to her.
"Hi Tina this isn't a lame line but weren't you in Wicca group?"
"Willow right. Yes I had the fun of being in that silly group until I dabbled with the real stuff and well you know first hand don't you? I should have stayed with that group since it was harmless."
"So here we are in another group only funner. Just so you know that was sarcasm."
Tina laughed and said, "You're off to a good start Willow since they say that laughter is the best medicine whoever they are."
"They do have a lot to say but in this case I guess they have a point."
"So are you coming to the next meeting?" "Yes I am this is good. This is what I need and it's not like I can look it up in the yellow pages."
"Willow it'll take time but coming to the meeting is a good step and next you'll need to speak up."
"Well I was going to but the time just passed by and next thing I knew meeting over."
"Trust me when I say that it helps when you share your story. Here's my number if you just want to chat. See you at the next meeting."
"Yeah thanks. Oh who came up with the name anyway?"
"I know it's kinda lame but maybe we could come up with a better name. Take care Willow."
Willow walked over to the library and got the books she needed and found Xander in an out of the way corner sleeping. She shook him awake. He muttered something before he woke up about china patterns.
"Xander sugary goodness for you."
"Thanks Will you're the best. So are you ready to go?"
"Yup I'm all booked out."
They walked to Xander's car and got in.
"So Will how are you doing? I mean really Will this is me after all."
"Well I went to S.A. and the meeting went well I suppose. I just need to take it one day at a time or maybe one hour at a time or maybe a minute at a time."
"S.A. you're a sex addict!"
"No it's Spellcaster's Anonymous silly. I think it should be a better name but I guess that isn't the important part."
"That's great Will and I'm here for you so I'll be your driver to your meetings. I'm your man."
"Thanks Xander I just may take you up on your offer."
They pulled up to the house and went inside.
"Will if you hadn't come out today I was prepared to go all caveman. Ok I wouldn't have bonked you on the head but I would have carried you out of here."
"So do you want a pizza?"
"Need you ask."
"Right I'm on it."
When Willow was in the kitchen Dawn came in. Willow said, "Hi." Dawn ignored her and went to get a bottle of water. She went into the living room where Xander was sitting on the couch.
"Hey Dawnie what's going on?"
"Oh nothing just same old same old homework so I'm off to my room."
"Wait a sec come join me for a minute."
"What?"
"Come on sit."
She sat down beside him.
"Look I know you're angry and you have every right to be no question about it but know this Willow loves you and she would never intentionally hurt you. She has a major problem and she's working on it. I myself feel like an idiot for not doing anything to stop this mess from getting out of hand."
"Xander it's not your fault and I know she didn't mean to do it but she really scared me and considering the things I've seen that's saying a lot. I just need to be alone for a little while but I'll be down for some pizza."
"Yes you go up to your room and get some book learning done so you're head will be filled with the knowledge of the universe."
Dawn went upstairs and shortly after Willow walked into the living room and sat on the couch.
"Cheer up Will I think I made some real Dawnie progress since she agreed to come down to eat which is a start. You know how pizza brings people together."
"Who says that?"
"I don't know but our little pizza party seems to be growing," Xander said as the key turned in the door and Buffy walked in. "Perfect timing Buffy you can join in the pizza fun."
"Hey guys no double duty today so I'm footloose and fancy free and foodless. Sorry about that Will I just couldn't deal with the smell of those burgers. It's bad enough that the smell lingers and I have to bathe over and over to get it out. Is it possible that it will just become part of my body odor?"
"That's between you and your body odor Buf."
Xander got up to call Anya to see if she would come over and to find out if her demony friend was gone. He got really nervous around her demony friends especially of the vengeance variety. It weirded him out to think that Anya was once like that so he steered clear when one of them came a visiting. Anya answered the phone and said she'd come on over.
"Will I hope you ordered much pizza since Anya's joining us so the whole gang's about to do some serious partying. Oh god Will I'm an idiot I guess Jed is paying yet another visit. Open mouth insert foot."
Willow looked up at him and said, "Xander it's ok. I'm just glad that I have you guys to help me through this. I don't think I could do it without you."
"Pizza the cure for everything well and chocolate too of course just not at the same time," said Dawn as she walked into the living room. "Unless of course it's chocolate pizza."
Dawn walked over to Willow and hugged her. She whispered in Willow's ear, "I love you and I'm here for you."
Willow started to tear up.
"Will no crying allowed since no one likes a soggy pizza."
"The pizza is coming."
Buffy got up to get her wallet for the money and the coupon that she spotted on the table when she came in the door.
"Ooh a visit from the pizza fairy."
She opened the door and paid for the pizzas.
"Ok let's eat I'm starving."
They started eating and once they'd each eaten a slice and in Xander's case two and a half the door bell rang again. Buffy answered the door and found Anya standing there.
"Better get in here before Xander eats everything. I swear sometimes I think that boy is part anteater without the trunk of course."
"I wouldn't say that Xander's very well..."
"Anya pizza eat," Xander cut in before Anya could finish what she was going to say. Willow looked around at her friends and realized how lucky she was and thought to herself that she could make it through the darkness and back into the light and maybe one day she could get back with her love Tara.
By Barbara Desmond