Spike was sitting in his crypt watching Passions when Buffy walked in.
“Spike are you here?”
“Shh I’m watching Passions.”
“Again?”
“Sit down and shut up or get gone.”
“Ok you don’t need to bite my head off.”
She sat down and started watching. Giles watched it too even though he tried to hide it. He taped it and Spike would take the tape every Friday to watch over the weekend. Not that she would admit it to Spike but she got caught up in the world of Harmony. It amused her that the town was the same name as that total airhead Harmony.
Buffy must have fallen asleep so when she woke up she had no idea where she was but oddly it looked like a room in the Crane mansion. She then realized that someone was in the bed beside her. It was Ethan of all people from the soap opera Passions.
“What the hell is going on? I must have fallen asleep watching Passions.”
“Morning now what were you saying about Passions?”
When he leaned in to kiss her she jumped out of the bed.
“What am I doing here? I must be dreaming or maybe I’m crazy because you look just like Ethan on that soap I was watching before I fell asleep and ended up here.”
“I am Ethan. Is this some kind of a game? Don’t tell me Rebecca’s been rubbing off on you? There isn’t a donkey around here is there?”
“A donkey what the hell are you talking about?”
Buffy looked down and noticed that she was wearing the same outfit that she was wearing when she went over to Spike’s crypt before winding up in Bizarro Land.
“Who do you think I am?”
“Come on Gwen you know who you are. You’re Gwen Hotchkiss the woman I love.”
“Gwen you think I’m Gwen?”
“Is something wrong?”
Ethan walked towards Buffy.
“Great he thinks I’m that bitch blonde.”
Ethan got a confused look on his face.
“I’m Buffy got that Ethan or whoever you are. I’m so killing Spike when I find him.”
“Buffy?”
“Yes Buffy now if you’ll excuse me I have a vampire I need to kill.”
“Vampire?”
Buffy went downstairs and found the kitchen. She decided to make herself something to eat because her stomach was grumbling.
“This might only be a dream but it’s so vivid.”
Ethan came into the kitchen.
“So your name is Buffy.”
“That’s right Buffy Summers from Sunnydale.”
“How did you know my name then?”
Buffy wasn’t sure what to say since it would sound totally insane to tell him that he was a character on a soap opera that she’d watched a few times.
“Why wouldn’t I know your name I do read ya know?”
“Oh right.”
Buffy poured herself a glass of juice and noticed someone peeking from behind the counter. She crept over and went around the corner and grabbed a foot of a little boy. Racking her brain she realized it was Timmy the doll that came to life.
“Timmy right?”
He nodded.
“You’re going to take me to Tabitha.”
“What do you have? Oh it’s Tabitha’s doll.”
“Yeah she must have left it here so I’m going to head over to Tabitha’s since I need some air.”
“Are you sure you don’t want me to call Eve?”
Buffy started thinking about the characters and came up with Eve Russell who must be a doctor.
“Oh no I don’t need a doctor. I just want to take a walk and clear my head.”
“See you later then.”
“Bye Ethan.”
It was so bizarre to see Harmony which was just like the soap she’d been watching. She carried Timmy who was in doll mode but he was still able to talk to her so he could tell her how to get to Tabitha’s house. Buffy started thinking that it must be a spell that sent her to Harmony since it was just too real to be a dream.
“Spike must be here too.”
Timmy looked up at the mention of Spike.
“You know Spike?”
“Well?”
“Come on Timmy before I rip you limb from limb.”
“Just ask Tabitha.”
Buffy finally arrived at Tabitha’s place. She tried the door and found it open. She put Timmy down who started calling for Tabitha.
“Hell’s bells Timmy what do you want?”
“Tabby this is Buffy she wants to know about Spike.”
“Buffy dear why don’t you sit down. Care for a Martimmy?”
Buffy vaguely recalled a drink by that name so she nodded since she could use a drink right about now. Tabitha produced a pitcher and two glasses to pour the pink drink into handing one of them to Buffy and keeping the other for herself. Buffy made a mental note to ask for the recipe before she left after taking a sip.
“So what do you know about Spike?”
“Why do you want to know about Spike?”
“Well we’re friends well more mortal enemies but he’s the only one I know in this crazy town.”
“Where are you from dear?”
“Sunnydale.”
“On the Hellmouth?”
“How did you know that?”
“I know more than you think my dear.”
“Oh right you’re a witch. So do you know where Spike is?”
“Which Spike are you talking about?”
“Blonde, British, and annoying.”
“I saw him at the Crane mansion at Sheridan’s cottage.”
“What did you mean when you asked which Spike?”
“Oh there’s a Spike here a dreadful excuse for a human.”
“Do you know a spell or something that could send us back? On second thought maybe just me. No it probably wouldn’t work unless we’re together.”
“I’m not sure I can do that.”
“Can you use your magic bowl to call my friend Willow?”
“How did you know about that?”
“I’ve watched Passions a few times so I’ve seen you use your bowl.”
“I can’t believe that Hecuba really did it. She said she’d broadcast the goings on of this town along with the help of Alistair’s bloody cameras.”
“Whatever! Can you do it?”
Tabitha rubbed her hands together and held them out towards the bowl and held them out towards the bowl and lightning came out. Willow’s face appeared in the bowl.
“Will can you hear me?”
As she said that she couldn’t help but flash on that guy from the phone commercial that was always asking, “Can you hear me now?”
“Buffy?”
“Did you do a spell that went wrong again?”
“No. Where are you?”
“I’m at Tabitha’s in Harmony as in Spike’s favorite soap Passions.”
“At least it isn’t Dawson’s Creek.”
“Will!”
“Sorry I couldn’t resist. He would drone on and on about Joey and Pacey or…”
“Focus Will.”
“Oh right sorry. So you’re stuck in a soap opera?”
“Well dear it’s an alternate reality so it would be more of a reality show only good unlike all that other reality garbage out there.”
“Hi Tabitha it’s always nice to meet a fellow witch.”
“So Will do you have any ideas?”
“Maybe I could open a portal. I’d have to see if I could find a spell that I could use.”
“While you do that I’ll go track down Spike.”
“Spike’s with you?”
“We were together right before the spell and Tabs here thinks we should be together to make sure the spell works.”
“Makes sense. Is there a way to contact you without a bowl? I’m getting a little seasick here.”
“I have a mobile phone because Timmy begged me to get one. He has a crush on a neighbor so he’s always calling her. Timmy come out here and bring that bloody phone with you.”
Timmy walked into the living room with the phone in his hand. He was just saying goodbye to someone.
“So this is Timmy? He’s so cute.”
Timmy blushed and handed the phone to Tabitha who passed it on to Buffy. She called the Magic Box where Willow was and heard the phone ring through the bowl.
“Magic Box how may I help you?”
“Will it’s me.”
There was an echo until Tabitha muted the sound on the bowl.
“Sorry habit.”
“Where’s Giles?”
“He went to a sorcerer’s estate sale and Anya went with him. So I’m watching the shop.”
Buffy talked to Willow for a few minutes with the promise to call her as soon as she found Spike.
“Well I’m off to get Captain Peroxide. Mind if I borrow your phone?”
“Not at all dear. Good luck.”
“Thanks.”
Buffy walked out the door thinking Tabitha was actually pretty sweet for someone who was supposed to be an evil witch.
“I guess people like their witches evil when it comes to soaps or whatever.”
She walked back to the Crane mansion where she found Spike lurking as usual and smoking a cigarette.
“Spike wait a second why aren’t you on fire?”
“Alternate reality pet works differently. For all I know the moon might turn me into a large pile of dust.”
“Whatever we need to get to Tabitha’s.”
Spike and Buffy walked to Tabitha’s. She kept sneaking peeks at him. Instead of knocking she just walked right in with Spike right behind her. Tabitha wand Timmy were on the couch sipping Martimmys.
“Hi you two. Could I have another drink?”
“Me too I’ve always wanted a Martimmy.”
Buffy looked at Spike and did a double take when she saw him blushing. She must be imagining things because vampires don’t blush. She looked again and saw him still blushing.
“Spike are you human?”
“What are you going on about?”
“Sunlight and now you’re blushing.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
He could feel his heart not beating in his chest although it seemed like it wanted to whenever he was around Buffy but he’d never mention that.
“Nope still no pulse.”
“Oh I guess it’s the weirdness of being in another reality.”
Buffy called Willow to find out if she’d found a way to get her back home.
“Will what’s the what?”
“I’m still looking. Giles is making some calls so it could take a while.”
“Great so I’m stuck here. Will can you check something for me?”
“Sure what?”
“Giles doesn’t know that I know but he has a little TV hiding behind the counter. I caught him one day watching Passions. Turn it on and see what’s on.”
Willow went behind the counter and sure enough found the TV. She plugged it in and turned it on.
“Who’s on the screen now?”
“Ethan’s talking to Theresa about Gwen who’s acting crazier than usual. She ended up in his bed and Theresa isn’t too thrilled to hear about that.”
“What else?”
“He’s calling Dr Russell and just asked for her to meet at Tabitha’s.”
“Oh crap.”
“Buffy what’s wrong?”
“Ethan thought I was Gwen. So why was he kissing me if he’s chatting with Theresa.”
“Oh crap you need to hide or they’re going to lock you up.”
“Tabitha you have a normal basement right?”
“Yes dear why wouldn’t I?”
Spike started going on and on about boys in the basement. Buffy had seen a scene where there was a red glowing light from the basement.
“Really well that’s something isn’t it? No you can hide in the basement. There’s nothing down there but a bunch of old junk. You tend to collect a lot of stuff through the centuries.”
After being assured that the basement was perfectly safe Buffy went downstairs with Spike.
“Do I look different to you?”
“No pet.”
“I wonder if there’s a mirror around here. It’s even more packed than the Halliwell’s attic except this is the basement.”
Over in a corner was something covered with a sheet. Spike pulled it off and found a mirror along with a dusty old couch.
“Hello what’s this?”
“It’s a mirror Spike.”
Buffy walked over to the mirror.
“Oh my God that’s not me and why are you reflecting?”
“I think the better question would be who am I reflecting?”
“That’s just great I look like Gwen.”
“Sucks to be you stuck looking like that cow.”
“Thanks Spike you really know how to make a girl feel good.”
“The spell must be the reason we aren’t looking like ourselves.”
“Wow Spike I didn’t think you had it in you.”
“I may be dead but I’m not stupid.”
“Wait I have Tabitha’s cell. I’m gonna call Will and have her work on this glamour thing so we look like ourselves again because there’s no way I’m going to go around looking like this with Ethan out there.”
“Yeah you don’t want the men in white coats coming after you with their nets.”
“Do they actually have nets and white coats?”
Before Spike could reply the bell rang and Buffy stopped in mid dial to try to hear what was going on upstairs.
“Over here there’s a heating vent so we can hear what’s going on.”
Buffy put the phone in her pocked and walked over to Spike. Upstairs Tabitha answered the door where she found Ethan and Eve.
“Ethan, Eve to what do I owe the pleasure?”
“Tabitha have you seen Gwen today?”
“No dear I haven’t. Is something wrong?”
“Well Ethan told me that Gwen hasn’t been herself. She thinks she’s one of her friends Muffy.
“Muffy? What kind of name is that?” Buffy whispered to Spike.
“Shh.”
The two continued to listen. Ethan and Eve left after asking Tabitha to call if Gwen showed up. Tabitha walked the two out and closed the door. She walked over to the basement and opened the door calling down that that coast was clear. They came upstairs.
“I wonder what happened to the real Gwen. I need to call Will.”
Buffy pulled out the cell and called Willow while Spike went over to the table where a pitcher and glasses sat. He poured himself a drink and pointed to Buffy to see if she wanted one and she nodded. She noticed that Spike hadn’t mentioned needing blood so it crossed her mind that he might be human in this reality.
“Magic Box how may I help you?”
“Will it’s me. Could you look into getting this glamour thingie removed? I look like Gwen that skanky cow.”
“Oh I don’t like her either. I’ll look into that. You want that done first right?”
“Duh Will since I’d rather not be committed for having delusions of Muffy.”
“Muffy?”
“Never mind that just make me look like me again. This is giving me the wig it’s the shades of that horrible body switch with Faith only I’m still in my body. Whatever just do it please Will.”
“We’ll get right on it. I’m guessing Spike is the same way.”
“Yes and I think he might be human or becoming human.”
“Really?”
“Will!”
“Sorry but that’s not something you see every day about a vampire becoming human all of a sudden or in my case hear. Sorry I’ll get on it right away.”
“Thanks Will I don’t know how long hiding in the basement will work.”
“It wouldn’t be the first time though. But don’t worry Buffy I’ve watched a few episodes and that Ethan guy is really dumb.”
“Like Harmony?”
“Not quite but pretty close.”
“Talk to you later.”
“Bye.”
Buffy sat down on the couch by Spike who had brought over the pitcher and set it on the coffee table within easy reach.
“Will’s working on breaking the glamour so I’m not mistaken for Gwen and you’re not whoever you are.”
“Tabitha do you have any Wheetabix?”
“Yes dear go on and help yourself.”
“Want anything Buffy?”
“I’m in the mood for pizza. Would you mind Tabitha?”
“No dear actually I wouldn’t mind having some pizza myself. I think there’s a coupon around here somewhere.”
Tabitha called for a pizza and Buffy decided to go online. Buffy never really liked the research part of things but she decided to do some just to kill some time and who knows maybe she’d find something that would help her out of this crazy world.
“Pet what are you doing looking for some porn?
“No I’m looking for a way to break this spell and gross.”
“Maybe if you click your heels and say there’s no place like home.”
“Shut up Spike.”
The bell rang and Buffy got up ready to head downstairs if it was Ethan again. She really hated having to hide but she had to stay put just in case her Slayer strength didn’t work since Spike was showing signs of becoming human.
“Don’t fret luv it’s just the pizza.”
Buffy sat back down while Tabitha answered the door and paid the pizza guy. They all ate including Spike which was odd since Buffy had never seen him eat actual food before.
“Since when do you eat food?”
“What I’m hungry.”
“You’re a vampire Spike so why aren’t you trying to snack on me?”
“I haven’t thought about blood since I’ve been here.”
“You’re turning human or maybe you’re human in this reality so I’m not sure if I’m still at full Slayer strength here. Well there’s one way to find out.”
She punched Spike.
“Ouch that hurt pet.”
“What is your face made out of rock or something? I think I broke my hand.”
“So it looks like you’re just a regular mortal.”
“Crap so what are we supposed to do cower in the basement?”
“In a word yes.”
“That would be four words moron.”
The phone started ringing so Buffy answered hoping that Will had finally come through since she was going to go crazy if she was stuck with Spike for much longer.
“Will please tell me you have good news.”
“Um it depends on how you look at it.”
“Will?”
“We found Gwen she’s here in Sunnydale.”
“What?”
“She reflects as you but we have her which is a good thing so we don’t have to search for her. I think I can send her back which should break the glamour spell. I’m not sure about Spike because you never told me who he looks like.”
“I’m not sure. Can you hold on a second.”
“Sure.”
“So Spike Mr. Passions you don’t have any idea who you are?”
“I’m Spike did you lose your memory?”
“Spike?’
“Sorry. Not a clue. It could be a new character for all I know since I haven’t been able to watch in a few months because the stupid network took it off and I don’t get satellite TV and Giles is too cheap to spring for the internet feed. Those updates are practically useless.”
“Tabitha is there a mirror up here?”
Timmy ran into the room with a hand mirror and handed it to Buffy. He blushed when she smiled at him and ran out of the room.
“Tabitha do you know who this is?”
Since Tabitha saw Spike as he really appeared she looked into the mirror that Buffy held up that showed a man in the mirror who obviously wasn’t Spike.
“Sorry dear I don’t know who that is and I know everyone in town. I even know about that creature Valerie/Vincent who is just all kinds of creepy.”
At that point Spike started talking to Tabitha about that and asked her to catch him up on what had been happening in Harmony.
“Great now what am I supposed to do?”
She realized that she’d left Will hanging so she picked up the phone.
“Will are you still there?”
“Couldn’t you have music or something playing if you’re going to make me wait so long.”
“Sorry about that. We have no idea who the guy is that Spike’s reflecting.”
“This is so weird it’s like the first episode of season eight of Charmed.”
“Will do you know how to send Gwen back or not.”
“The others are setting up the spell. You’ll know soon if it worked or not because she’ll appear before you.”
“Great I’ll call you back.”
Buffy put the phone on the coffee table and poured herself another Martimmy. Spike and Tabitha were still chatting away so Buffy decided to look around the house since she couldn’t go outside in case she was spotted by someone who’d sic Ethan on her which she so didn’t need right now. She looked at the books Tabitha had and decided to thumb through one.
Back at the Magic Box in Sunnydale Giles was finishing up the pentagram that he’d drawn on the floor in chalk and Xander finished lighting the candles that were placed around the circle. Gwen was just sitting in the chair muttering to herself that it was a dream over and over again.
“Ok Gwen if you want to go home and wake up from this dream you need to come over here.”
Gwen got up still muttering to herself but she walked over to Willow.
“Now just stand there.”
Willow looked at the book where she’d found the spell and started speaking in Latin changing a few details here and there to fit the situation. She had talked to Fred about portals since Angel and the others went to a dimension called Pylea which required a spell. There was a flash and Gwen was gone.
“I hope that worked. Buffy said she’d call me which should be any second now.”
There was a flash before Buffy and standing before her was Gwen.
“Why am I standing before me?”
“What?”
“You’re me and yet you’re not me. I must still be sleeping but that red haired girl told me I’d be waking up.”
“Calm down and close your eyes.”
Buffy unsure what to say just came up with the first thing to pop into her head.
“Click your heels and say there’s no place like home like Dorothy did.”
“Ok I guess it couldn’t hurt. There’s no place like home.”
Gwen clicked her heels and opened her eyes to find herself back at the Crane mansion.
“Oh thank God it was just a dream. It was so real.”
“Gwen are you all right?”
“What I’m fine I just had this really weird dream.”
“You weren’t acting like yourself earlier you thought you were your friend Muffy.”
“Really? Well I’m fine now. Come on over here and I’ll prove it to you.”
“Gwen you know I’m with Theresa.”
“Forget about her and come back to me you know I’m the one you really love.”
“Gwen I’m glad you’re feeling better but I’m not in love with you. Theresa’s my wife and the mother of my children. Feel better and I’ll have Eve come check on you later.”
“Damn that bitch.”
Gwen fell back to sleep.
“It worked.”
Buffy grabbed the mirror and saw herself again. Spike was still talking to Tabitha so Buffy walked over and put the mirror before him but he was still reflecting mystery guy.
“I’m me again so I can go out but I’m not sure about you Spike so I guess you’re stuck in here.”
“That’s ok I’ll just catch up here with Tabitha.”
“Do you want to be alone?”
“Buffy!”
“Sorry I couldn’t resist.”
Buffy decided to take a walk. She ended up at the park where there were some beautiful roses. She plucked one and brought it up to her nose inhaling it’s fragrance.
“Wow these are beautiful.”
“Not as beautiful as you.”
Buffy turned around to find a sleazy looking guy with brown hair that had last seen a washing or a comb in days.
“I’m guessing you would be Spike?”
“I’m flattered.”
“No I just get that scumbag vibe from you.”
“That’s not nice.”
Buffy was really in the mood to fight someone so she figured why not this creep who has a monster human or not. She wouldn’t kill him of course but it would sure be fun to kick his ass and since there didn’t seem to be any demons around she needed to work out somehow.
“Get gone unless you want me to hand your ass to you.”
“Ooh a tough chick. What are you going to do kick my ass? I’m so scared.”
“You should be but I can tell that you’re really stupid.”
Buffy punched him and he went down like a stone. She walked back to Tabitha’s sniffing the flower she picked. Spike was still very much engrossed with Tabitha and the goings on of Harmony. She decided to try to take a nap so she stretched out on the couch but before doing so she made a quick call to Will.
“Magic Box how may I help you?”
“Are you the only one that answers the phone Will?’
“Pretty much. Giles is up to his neck in books and Xander went off on a donut run.”
“Gwen’s back. Sorry I didn’t call you earlier but I had to go out for some air and totally forgot about calling you. I’m just so tired I’m going to take a nap while Spike gets his soap fix from Tabitha.”
“Well that soap is quite addicting.”
“I’ll never admit it to him but I’m hooked myself. If I didn’t feel like I was going to drop I’d listen in to their conversation.”
“Have a good sleep and I’ll call if we find anything to help you out.”
Buffy hung up and put the phone on the coffee table and closed her eyes. She went to sleep right away.
Back in Sunnydale Willow was searching through the magic books hoping to find something to bring her friend home. Someone was watching her and laughing silently.
“I’m back with the donuts and got extra jellies since I don’t want to cause World War III with you two fighting over donuts.”
“Xander I don’t fight over donuts. I just happen to like a jelly donut every so often.”
“Sure thing G Man.”
“I told you not to call me that.”
Xander put down the box of donuts along with a pizza he decided to pick up. He went back out to grab the drinks he bought so the gang could eat and figure out a way to save Buffy from the weirdness of being in Harmony. Xander grabbed a book and started looking through it.
“Did you hear back from that Fred girl yet Will?”
“Yes she helped me send Gwen back and she’s working on a way to bring Buffy back or a spell that I can give Buffy to say to send her back to us.”
“This is so strange even for us to have our friend trapped in a soap opera.”
“We’ve always managed to make it through before so I’m sure we’ll figure it out but I’m not sure when exactly since this is pretty hard. I just wish I knew who cast the spell in the first place. I thought it might be Dawnie but she would have spoken up by now.”
“Will I think she learned the lesson when she nearly got me sent to Hell to be Mr. Well Dressed Red’s bride.”
“True but who else could it be? There aren’t that many possibilities.”
“What about Amy?”
“You had a fight right?”
“Well yes but what does that have to do with Buffy?”
“Since when does logic have anything to do with wanting revenge?”
“Yes but I would think she’d come after me instead of Buffy.”
“What about the nerds?”
“Maybe we should set a trap to catch a nerd? Now we just need to think like a nerd.”
“That should be easy for you.”
“Thanks Anya.”
“You’re welcome.”
Willow didn’t say anything because Anya was weird in her way but she meant it as a compliment even though it didn’t sound that way.
“Maybe I could do a summoning spell to bring the person who cast the spell that sent Buffy and Spike to Harmony. Maybe it has to do with Spike and Buffy just had the bad luck to be with him at the time when the spell was cast.”
“Chant and summon the Goddess Will. I’m guessing you need some candles.”
“What spell doesn’t involve candles Xander?”
“I’m off to get more candles. It’s a good thing we’re in a magic shop.”
“Now where was that book I was looking at? Ah here it is.”
Willow opened the very large book and started looking for it. She checked the index in the back for spells having to do with portals. She was hoping to hear from Fred and the others in LA with the answer to this latest disaster.
“Buffy wake up.”
“What? Five more minutes.”
“Buffy wake up right now.”
Spike kept shaking Buffy.
“I’m up already stop with the shaking I’m getting seasick.”
“Sorry pet.”
“What?”
“Are you hungry dear you’re been out for the past twelve hours.”
Buffy was stunned that she’d slept for so long but she was grateful for the rest since it was frustrating to be stuck somewhere unable to do a damn thing about it. She regretted never dabbling in witchcraft like Will since she could be in Sunnydale by now if she had some witchy powers.
“So did you come up with a plan?”
“We might have a spell that could work but there’s a little problem?”
“Define little?”
“We need to find out who I’m reflecting or whatever.”
“That’s just great the one person in this town who knows everyone except the guy in the mirror. Hey could we ask the reflection and have him answer with magic or something?”
“Interesting idea dear I’ll see what I can do.”
Tabitha rubbed her hands together and tried a spell muttering something that just sounded like nonsense to Buffy but she kept quiet hoping that the spell would work. Spike was holding the mirror before him and Tabitha stood right beside him.
“Spike try to talk to him after all you’re the one connected to him.”
“Mate can you tell me who you are?”
“I should ask who you are? Why am I in this mirror when I should be out there looking into my reflection.”
“Well you’re in Harmony mate so you shouldn’t be surprised by the weirdness.”
“Harmony really?”
“That’s right Harmony now can you tell me who you are.”
“I think you should answer first.”
Spike grabbed the pitcher of Martimmy and downed it and wiped his face.
“I’m Spike and you are?”
“My name is William.”
“Really that’s my human name too.”
“Human name?”
“Well uh I’m sort of a vampire.”
“What do you mean sort of?”
“I don’t seem to be one here or something.”
“Great now we know his name so now we just need to find him since he’s probably running around with your face for all we know. I’m going to call Will and Tabs can you send an image of William here to Will so she can track him down with some kind of a spell.”
“Sure dear no problem.”
Buffy called Will who was still looking at the book and working through the details of the spell. She wanted to make sure she didn’t mess it up since this was going to be one of the most important spells she’d ever cast aside from the one that rose Buffy from the dead.
“Hi.”
“What no Magic Box yada yada.”
“Nah I knew that it would be you.”
“Something witchy?”
“No the store’s closed and no one really calls much at night so I just guessed and happened to be right.”
“Will we found out who the guy is that Spike is reflecting. Tabitha’s going to send you his image so you can try to find him.”
“That’s great Buffy. I’m working on a spell to track down the original spell caster so I can give them a good ass kicker before getting them to help me bring you back. I might ask Giles to bring out Ripper to scare whoever’s behind this.”
“Still no ideas on who could be behind it?”
“No since we’re not sure if the spell was meant for you or for Spike?”
“Ok I see the picture.”
“Tabitha told me that you can reach out for it and bring it over to your dimension. This is so weird being in a different dimension.”
“Hopefully it won’t be for long since we’re on the case.”
“I could just a jelly right now.”
Buffy turned to Tabitha and asked her why Will could grab a picture and not a person.
“It doesn’t work like that dear since it only works on inanimate objects.”
“I bet it would work with Spike.”
“Oy!”
“Let us know when you’ve found William.”
Buffy hung up and sat back down on the couch which was quite comfy. She started thinking about who could be responsible for casting this spell. As the Slayer she had a lot of enemies which made it hard to come up with a list of suspects. For all she knew the spell could have been for Spike and she’d just been in the wrong place at the wrong time. At least she was able to rule out a few names like Darla since she was dead again but it could be Dru even though she’d never heard of the crazy vampire using magic or maybe Harmony herself but that girl was so dumb her head would explode if she had an actual thought.
“Spike did Dru ever do magic?”
“Why are you asking?”
“I’m trying to figure out who could be behind the spell. I have too many enemies so I’m thinking about people that might want to send you to another dimension.”
“She has the sight and reads Tarot cards but that’s about it.”
“So would she know how to find someone to cast a spell?”
“Yes but why would she?”
“Oh I don’t know can you come up with something Spike?”
Spike knew something that pissed off Dru and that would be him falling in love with the Slayer. It had repulsed him too but it was something he couldn’t control but he didn’t want to bring it up.
“Not a thing luv.”
“What about Harmony?”
“Are you serious? You know she’s a total moron.”
“Sure after all I’m the one that went to school with her for three years but a pissed off girl could get lucky.”
“I really doubt it.”
“Another possibility is this girl Amy who Will parted with on bad terms.”
“Bad breakup?”
“No you halfwit they were friends. Well she was my friend too and then she turned herself into a rat until finally three and a half years later Will turned her back. She was a real bad influence on Will with the magic.”
Spike got up and went to the kitchen for some food. He grabbed some cookies that were sitting on the counter fresh from the oven. It was so strange to be eating food after so long but he was enjoying it. He’d forgotten how good it was especially chocolate. Buffy had followed him into the kitchen and grabbed a few cookies.
“Careful Spike you keep eating like this and you’re going to get fat.”
“Piss off I’m just enjoying myself. It’s not like I’ll be human forever.”
“Careful Spike I might just leave you here.”
“No you won’t pet because I bet I’m needed since we came over here together which means we need to make the return trip.”
Buffy didn’t want to admit that Spike was probably right so she didn’t say anything and grabbing a few more cookies she went back out to the living room where she poured another Martimmy. The pitcher just kept refilling itself when it ran low. After eating she decided to go out for a walk.
“Going somewhere pet.”
“Somewhere that’s elsewhere and away from you.”
“Whatever I’m just going to hang out with my pal Jack.”
“Jack?”
He held up the bottle of whiskey.
“Eeww.”
Buffy hoped that Will would come up with an answer soon since she was not enjoying being around Spike so much. He was irritating her and she was fighting the attraction she felt towards him.
“Ok now you’re going insane Buffy.”
“Who’s going insane?”
Looking up she found Ethan before her.
“Nothing just thinking out loud.”
Buffy hoped the spell hadn’t gone wonky giving her Gwen’s face again.
“Do I know you?”
“I don’t think so.”
“I’m Ethan and you are?”
“I’m Buffy Summers.”
“Buffy huh.”
“That’s right.”
“Well it was nice to meet you Buffy. Were you coming from Tabitha’s?”
“Yeah I’m visiting her.”
“That’s nice.”
Ethan walked down the sidewalk and Buffy looked after him finally able to breathe again. Buffy continued walking and made her way to the park. She decided to sit down on one of the benches glad to be away from Spike at least for a little while. She was just watching the squirrels play and the birds chirping when someone sat beside her.
“Hello Buffy.”
Looking up she saw that sleazy guy she saw before named Spike.
“Are you looking to get your ass kicked?”
“I’m not scared of a little girl.”
Buffy wondered how he knew her name since he shouldn’t have unless he was connected to the spells that were cast first to transport her over here with Spike and the glamour.
“How did you know my name?”
“My boss knows a lot of things.”
“Alistair Crane right?”
“That’s right he’s the man that knows everything and I mean everything.”
As Spike scooted over she grabbed Spike’s hand and broke it.
“Keep your hands and other parts to yourself unless you want to end up in traction.”
“All right. Alistair wants to meet you. He has a job for you and if you agree to it he’ll help you out with your little problem.”
Now Buffy hadn’t seen much of the show Passions but from what she’d seen the man was totally evil but Tabitha was supposed to be too but she turned out to be a sweet old lady. She figured she’d risk it after all this Alistair was only human and she could take care of herself. Since Gwen was returned to Harmony she was feeling more like herself and after that really long sleep she knew that she’d have no problems with Mr. Evil himself.
“Take me to him.”
“Follow me.”
Spike led her to the mansion and into the living room where Alistair was waiting in one of the chairs.
“Have a seat my dear.”
She sat on the couch as far from this man as possible. He might be human but he gave her the serious wig. It was like evil radiated from him.
“Would you like a drink?”
“No thank you. So what did you want?”
“I like it a girl that wants to get right to it.”
“Ok I’m out of here.”
“Wait you want to get back to Sunnydale right?”
Buffy turned around with an upraised eyebrow.
“I know a lot that goes on in this reality as well as others. I can help you get back.”
Buffy thought that she’d better get the hell out of there because her spidey sense was tingling and there weren’t any demons as far as she knew in Harmony so she just smiled at Alistair.
“You know what I don’t need your help. I’ve got my own thanks lovely chatting with you.”
“You’re going to regret it.”
“Whatever!”
She left and rushed back to Tabitha’s paranoid that she was being followed. She wanted to find out if Will had cast that spell that would reveal who was behind the spell and of course whether or not she’d found William.
“Magic Box…”
“Will it’s me.”
“Buffy where have you been? I’ve tried to call you.”
“Taking the long sleep. I just got back from Alistair’s. God that guy gave me the wig big time. Please tell me you have news.”
“I’ve got news.”
“Great lay it on me.”
“I cast the spell and found out who sent you to Harmony.”
“That’s great.”
“There’s the bad news.”
“What Will?”
“It was Ethan Rayne?”
“What?”
“Yep Ethan’s back and we can’t find him. Giles is out looking and he left me some numbers to call but so far we’re running into dead ends. This guy has one wicked masking spell.”
“Did I just hear you use the word wicked?”
“So oh yeah right,” Willow realized that for a second there she was channeling Faith.
“Did you have any luck finding William?”
“We found him but he doesn’t belong in Harmony and he seems to have no memory of where he’s from.”
“Maybe you should send him here since his reflection’s here so maybe with the two together he can figure out which reality he belongs in. Maybe Tabs can help in sending him to wherever he’s supposed to be from. I don’t understand the whole glamour part.”
“I think he wanted people to think you were nuts so you’d be locked up and he’d be free to do whatever it is that he wants to do.”
“Next time I see that guy I’m killing him human or not. How did he get out of custody anyway? The commandos took him away.”
“I’m waiting to hear from Riley in case he can help shed some light on the sitch. Just hang in there Buffy and on the bright side at least you look like you again right?”
“Sure I’ll have to go eat more cookies.”
“Are there any vampires for you to slay so you can work out some of your frustrations?”
“I don’t think so since Spike is turning human which is so weird. He’s eating food.”
“I’ll call you later Buffy.”
“Bye Will.”
Buffy hung up and sat back on the couch which seemed to be her best friend at the moment and reached for the laptop sitting on the coffee table. She thought she’d try sending Riley an email after all the phone worked but she didn’t have a number for him. She needed to find out how Ethan got loose and for all she knew they turned him loose since the Initiative bigwigs weren’t exactly the good guys. She wondered if the Initiative continued even after Buffy and the others trashed the place and took down Adam a few years back.
Buffy was able to send an email which didn’t surprise her after all she was able to call out to her reality. It was just so bizarre that she was in this place that everyone thought was just a crazy town in a soap opera. Just thinking about Alistair caused her to shiver which was a new experience because rarely did she feel fear but there was just something seriously wrong with that guy. She sat back and hoped that soon she’d get some news because Spike was driving her nuts always going on about Passions.
The phone rang so Buffy answered it since Spike and Tabs were off in the kitchen chatting away making cookies or something. It was just weird to see Spike like this because he was acting like a human which of course made sense as far as anything could make sense since he was human including a heartbeat which he announced having last night. She couldn’t help but think about Angel and what could have happened if he ever became mortal.
“Hello.”
“Buffy we’re working on a spell to find Ethan.”
“I emailed Riley just in case.”
“I still haven’t heard from him that poop head.”
“Will I’m sure he’s busy.”
“Well he’s still a poop head after all he should be jumping to help you after the way he just left.”
“Will I let him leave.”
“Buffy remember I’m the best friend so it’s my job to hate him with a fiery passion.”
“So you have a spell?”
“Giles is getting a few ingredients and we’ll be ready to go.”
“Great because I really want to get back to Sunnydale. I can’t believe I just said that.”
“We miss you too.”
“It’s so odd but Spike is now completely human so I can’t help but think about Angel.”
“Well I’ll call you back when I know something.”
“Bye Will.”
“Giles do you have everything.”
Willow was worried about Buffy because she kept mentioning Spike. She didn’t like where her thoughts were going because they were headed for Icksville so she wanted to get Buffy away from Harmony once and for all because it sounded like Buffy might be getting the warm and fuzzies for Spike of all people.
“Will what’s wrong?”
“I’m worried about Buffy.”
“We’re all worried.”
“I’m worried about Buffy and Spike and well you know.”
“You know?”
“Xander do I have to spell it out?”
“Oh and gross. Come on Buffy would never.”
“Really?”
“Ok she slept with him and that disturbing image will haunt me until my dying day.”
“Xander that was the Buffybot.”
“Oh right but still same type of picture.”
“Xander shut up. He’s human. Come on think about what that could mean if she’s stuck there.”
“Yeah they could end up married with a white picket fence with annoying little boys and little Slayers running around.”
“Are you two done yet?”
“Sorry Giles is everything read for the spell?”
“Yes.”
Willow turned to the page in the book and started saying the spell. She was relieved that it was in English since Latin was such a pain in the ass. They found a spell that would bring the spell caster to them trapping them in the circle. There was a flash and Ethan appeared in the circle. He tried to get out but he couldn’t.
“Ripper.”
“Ethan you have two choices we can do this the easy way or I can do it the hard way and I know you wouldn’t want that hmm?”
“Ok what do you want?”
“Well for starters we want Buffy back and ok Spike too.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Xander threw a very large book that hit Ethan on the head.
“Ouch that hurt.”
“That’s the whole point now get our friend back.”
“I can’t do it in here.”
“Just know Ethan that I have a spell handy that will turn you into a toad if you try something funny.”
“Ok Red I promise I’ll be good.”
Willow released the magic that held Ethan trapped within the circle and he stepped out. He made no move to try to escape. He told Giles what was needed for the spell. She wondered why Ethan sent Buffy and Spike over to Harmony since he always had some reason behind his actions and they were never of the good.
“Ethan why did you send them to Harmony?”
“Them? What do you mean them?”
“Buffy and Spike?”
“Really they both got sent there well isn’t that amusing.”
Willow showed her resolved face and held out her hand ready to turn Ethan into a toad if he so much as blinked.
“Ok the spell was for Spike.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“So why did Buffy end up in Harmony too?”
“Dumb luck or she was with him at the time the spell was cast.”
Willow figured that was the reason for both of them being sent since she knew that both of them weren’t the target of the spell cast.
“Why?”
“Well this sweet little blonde thing asked me too and she was ever so grateful.”
“Are you talking about Harmony?”
“Pretty blonde not too smart.”
“Yep that’s Harmony.”
Xander sat down and grabbed a donut.
“Hey can I have a donut?”
“Not until after the spell.”
“Wait do we have to bring Spike back?”
“Xander.”
“What it’s a valid question. He could do the spell to bring her back and get rid of Spike. He’d be happy there after all he’s a Passions nut.”
“Good point so Ethan do they both have to come back?”
“Willow are you really going to trust what he says. We best be cautious and as much as it pains me we should bring Spike back.”
Ethan gathered together the supplies for the spell and said the words. It was in Sumerian so Willow didn’t understand a word of it but nothing happened. She pointed a finger at him and glared.
“I swear I did the spell right.”
“Sure about that because I’m thinking you’d look better as a toad.”
“Don’t I know someone that might be able to help us.”
“Who?”
“Alistair Crane.”
“Are you insane he’s in Harmony.”
“Don’t you love the irony?”
Willow flicked her wrist and with a few words in Latin she froze Ethan and turned to Giles.
“What are we going to do now?”
Giles took off his glasses and started cleaning them with a handkerchief he pulled from his pocket.
“Will we should probably tie up Ethan so you don’t have to turn him into a statue.”
“Good idea get some rope.”
“I think there’s some in the back.”
“Giles what have you been up to?”
“Oh do shut up.”
Xander went to the back of the store and into the store room and found some rope. He put Ethan in a chair and tied him up. He’d gotten practice on tying knots when he tied Spike to a chair so he knew how to tie a good knot. Willow released the freeze spell.
“Oh bugger I’m tied to a chair.”
“That’s right limey now start spilling.”
“I told you that girl Harmony wanted to send Spike away.”
“That doesn’t make sense Spike loves Harmony the town in the show not the actual ditzy girl.”
“Don’t ask me mate I just did as she asked.”
“Just because Buffy isn’t here doesn’t mean we can’t put the hurt on you.”
“I’m well aware. I really need to stop coming to this bloody town.”
Willow went outside to call Buffy since she didn’t want Ethan to overhear her and she didn’t feel like doing a silence spell to block his ears.
“Hello.”
“Hi Buffy we have Ethan and he tried the spell but it didn’t work for some reason. Oh I had a thought are you with Spike right now?”
“No he’s in the kitchen making cookies with Tabitha.”
“Really? Maybe that’s why the spell didn’t work. You may need to be in the same room like you were when the spell was originally cast.”
“Ok I’ll get him and you can do the spell over.”
“Bye Buffy.”
“Bye.”
Buffy hung up and went into the kitchen where Tabitha was taking out a fresh batch of chocolate chip cookies. She couldn’t resist reaching for a couple while Tabitha was putting them onto a plate to cool.
“Spike we need to be in the living room right now.”
“Why pet?”
“Just come with me,” she grabbed his arm and yanked him into the living room. He barely had time to grab onto the plate of cookies to bring with him. She brought them over to the couch where they sat down.
“Now what luv?”
“Shut up Spike don’t you want to get back to Sunnydale?”
“I don’t know I kind of like it here and Tabs is pretty cool.”
“Well I want to get home so I need you to stay put.”
Spike reached for the remote and started channel surfing while Buffy ate the cookies. As usual there was a pitcher of Martimmy on the table along with clean glasses. She poured herself a glass and waited hoping that the spell would bring them both back to Sunnydale.
Back in Sunnydale Ethan did the spell again and this time it worked. Buffy showed up in the magic shop but Spike was nowhere to be found. Willow went over to Buffy to hug her.
“Where’s Spike?”
“What are you talking about Red I’m Spike?
“Houston we have a problem.”
“Thanks Xander for pointing out the obvious.”
“Ethan!”
Willow turned around to find that Ethan had slipped out while she was hugging Buffy err Spike.
“Crap!”
Willow sat down and put her head down with no idea of what to do next wondering where Buffy was. It seemed that if Spike was in Buffy’s body she was probably in his body so she thought she’d check the crypt. Xander went with her along with Buffy err Spike. They went inside and found someone sitting there.
“It’s me,” Spike turned to look at Willow and Xander.
“Buffy?”
The person sitting down got up and it was Spike.
“I have a penis?”
“Well pet you are in my body and I do have one.”
“I think I’m gonna be sick.”
Willow had no idea what to do because this was just too weird to have a Slayer and a vampire trade bodies but it was all that Ethan’s fault.
“I’ll think of something you two.”
“Willow!”
“Giles must have a book that can help me break this spell.”
“Willow!”
“What?”
“Wake up sleepyhead.”
Willow found herself in bed with Tara beside her.
“What a bizarre dream.”
“What was it about sweetie?”
“Buffy and Spike were in each other’s bodies.”
“What?”
“There was a spell that sent them to Harmony which turned out to be a real place and when we did a spell to bring them back Spike was in Buffy’s body and Buffy’s was in Spike’s.”
“That’s just crazy.”
“I know I have no idea what my brain was thinking when it came up with that.”
In the crypt Spike was sleeping in his bed along with Buffy. She turned over in her sleep snuggling close to him and a smile was on both their faces.
By Barbara Desmond