Entry One
Dear Diary
I decided to start writing things down. The death of Joyce just hit me like running into a brick wall that just showed up out of nowhere. She was such a great lady and mother. I went to see my mom even though she isn't the best she's what I have.
Sure she may not notice for months that I've cut my hair or that I'm dating a girl. I'm trying to remember what I had for breakfast. I'm thinking bagel but I'm not sure. Tara had eggs that looked like boobs that wiggled in the plate. I want to write down what happens so I won't forget and have it written down if I want to recall things.
Tara is beautiful as always. She has been such a big help through this. It just hurts my heart that little Dawnie has no mom now. And Buffy she's barely holding it together. I know that she's doing it for Dawnie's sake. I want to be there for her but she's kinda pulling back. She's suffered a horrible loss and everyone grieves differently so I'll just be here for them in whatever way I can. I got an A on my test which is a yay moment but it's fleeting since it seems so trivial.
Entry Two
Dear Diary
Now that was a disturbing yet brief thought. I'm just glad that it was a robot since Buffy and Spike doing it in the cemetery was just too disturbing. I kept the robot since it would be interesting to see how it works. I think I could fix it. I'm just curious about it and I must admit that it was well made. Yes it's totally disgusting why it was made but Xander sort of had a point.
Spike was so badly beaten and he didn't say who the key was. But no robot for him even though sympathy flows for him. I guess that chip has been a good influence on him and his feelings for Buffy certainly helped. It's the real deal which is so strange. What is it with her and vampires anyway?
I've decided to give up writing down what I've eaten. That would drive me insane to write I had coffee and two cookies or whatever. I'm waiting for Tara to come back from class since I made plans to take her on picnic.
Just for a little bit I want to forget about the badness for a little while and have some quality time with my girl. I've got the room all fixed up for afterwards so I don't want her to see before so I need to stand outside since she's due back soon. On second thought maybe the picnic can wait.
Entry Three
Dear Diary
I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight with Tara gone. I feel horrible because we had that fight and now she's had her brain sucked by that hell bitch. I have to find a way to get her back but in the meantime I'm going to take care of her. I feel so guilty about this whole thing because she wouldn't have been alone if we never had that stupid fight.
I would have been able to say that spell faster to stop the sucking or do something to help. I'll see if I can find a spell to use against her. I bet no one will be at the magic shop so I'll go and see what I can find among the restricted books that Giles doesn't want me looking at.
Later
I wasn't able to inflict too much damage when I went up against that bitch. There has to be some way to stop her. Since I won't be able to sleep I'm going to go search on the net and maybe pop over to the library.
I just need to do something so I don't feel so damn helpless. Maybe there is a spell or something to get Tara's brain back. She'll be released from the hospital in the morning which isn't soon enough for me.
Entry Four
Dear Diary
What should be a happy moment is laced with pain. I got Tara back so that's good but Buffy's dead. I'm on my way to tell Angel. He deserves to be told in person. I don't know how I'm going to do it since I can't totally believe it myself. If this is a nightmare I'd like to wake up now please. I even saw Spike crying but all of us were.
Maybe that's what the First Slayer meant when she said that death was Buffy's gift. Her death literally saved the world which is good but it's a costly price to pay. There was no way that I could or any of us could drive so I'm taking the train. If I stop writing I'll start crying and may not be able to stop.
This is going to be so hard. Why can't I be dreaming this? I'm living it and I don't want it to be real. My best friend is dead. She's dead and oh God Dawnie is all alone now. It's so terrible first her mother now her sister. I'm gonna see if Tara will move in with me so we can take care of her.
She should be with people who love her instead of some stranger taking her away and it's not like her father will come back here since he's been AWOL all this time with no signs of popping in. I need to cry and maybe I'll be able to compose myself for when I have to face Angel. Maybe splashing some water on my face will help.